shoeless and clueless...

happy birthday gorgeous!

this poem is for you...I'm truly glad I have you as a friend... 

I love you dearly...

tears are falling on our hearts

we both feel the curse of life

afraid of living, scared of dying

we are close yet so far

walking down different roads, living different lives

and breathing different air...

we are far

but oh so close in our hearts

loving every moment of your presence

longing for every single note

telling you my heart's dark secrets

with you I'm not scared to embrace the fire of life

you are my star in life shining brightly

helping me find my way home

thank you for being my friend...I'll always be here for you, whenever you need me...

this neverending charade torments my heart

I feel like crying but still my eyes are dry

while seeing no end to this pretending

I slowly fall

moving closer to this lifes dark reality

I try to hold onto the few sweet memories I have

while charades drag me deeper into the night

I slowly die

I'm withering apart

slowly I'm turning into ashes

come and spread me in the wind

let me fly free as a bird

just one glimt of light and I'm back in the darkness

I live in this dark

afraid of light, afraid of life

my heart is aching for love but frightened I push love away

scared it will cause more pain

slowly I'm withering into dust, running dry on lack of love

with every second life's closer to death

you make me want to kill myself

you make me want to slit my wrists

let me bleed til I am dead and gone

I bleed for you,

I bleed out all the pain you have caust me

I want you to vanish from my veins

my aching heart wants you gone

I slit my wrists to see you fade away

cut my wrists

and watch me bleed on the floor

see me slowly fade away

with a smile on my face

don't you see how I'm aching and slowly breaking

into a million pieces because of you

life was mad and love was cruel

and you left me

now lost is all I bear

my heart got thorn apart the day you left

don't you get that the more you ignore me

the more I want you back here with me

I'm cold without you, please come back

and warm my soul again

love's painful soul is scorching my heart, and slowly burning it into ashes

I slit my wrists as a final attempt to make love stop

I find love laughing as it heals the wounds

only to leave me scorching once more

I destroy all that matters

I depend on no one

I push away everything called love

I leave me empty

without feelings life is heaven

I want to sleep the day away

I'm waiting for the night to shield me

in the dark they can no longer see me weeping

in the black night I can only hear my heart stop beating

I wanna disappear from the world and live in the beauty of death