shoeless and clueless...

 

you told me in all honesty

this world is not meant for me

with the dices thrown

and all cards played

I stand alone in regret

blamming myself for the one's I've hurt

due to my incapability to love

starring deeper into the depth of death

but not letting me fall

I'm hurt a million times

now did I deserve it?

with one foot off the cliff

angels keep calling

they're reaching out and is

getting a hold of my arm

they pull as I resist

forced by myself to believe I deserve this pain

I live in endless misery

 

---

 

if you only knew

what I feel about you

you would take what's yours

and run to the hills

screaming:

'nobody wants to be loved by a freak'

 

therefore I guess I'm true

when I say that I'm doomed

to live a lonely life

crying and longing for you

 

until the bittersweet end

 

---

 

 

you proved me that I was wrong

I'd never thought you'd fool me

I'm trying to figure out why

determend to get an answer

you told me that you'd always stand by my side

'in sickness and in health'

but it was all a lie

the echos of those words are silenced

even you are gone

so why do I still love you

why can't I let you go of my broken heart

 

---

 

into this pandemonium we are born

like shooting stars fading quickly

on their way towards eternal sleep

we walk on this earth

knowing that every step

we take could be our last

bright fairies dancing around us

pulling us deeper into the woods

somewhere in this dark

our redemption is to be found

a place where we can be re-born

into a life greater than this

 

---

we're moving towards

the welcomming end

but on our way there

we're kneeing to all the

prestigous people in our way

giving them all our efforts

to make them like us

even if just for one second

and by doing this we waste all

our energy on impossibilites

and live our lifes in vain

looking up to people

who will never care for us

 

---

 

I smile when the sun goes down

by then my world of dreams lies near

the only true thing is that

we're all going to die

without loving memories of you

cold and cruelty follows your path

I never heard you say 'I love you'

all alone in this world of fools

with tears streaming down my face

and blood dripping from my wrists

is how I end, alone

 

---

 

you won't see me cry

and you won't be here

when my tears dry

in heaven, I am safe

no hurt can reach me there

with angel wings on my back

I am able to soar freely

still I dream of you

comming back to me

just one look and you

see the hurt in my eyes

just one touch and you

can heal my pain

with one kiss all wounds fade away

come and breathe life into me

and I'll give you all of me

together we'll be forever

 

---

 

where is the point in looking forward

why do I decied to stick around for another day

when I know that tomorrow

will be just like today

who was the one that made me

who will be the one to tear me apart

what is it that keeps me from making the final move and end it all

 

---

 

only then am I in control of my life

only then am I at peace

with blood streaming down my wrists

and makes me feel the warmth of a love unknown

I'm not lonely anymore

and the world lies at my feet

I'm able to do anything

and there's nothing you can do

you're left on the side of my road

I'm doomed to die alone

unable to please everyone

we end up lonely

 

---

 

you're one in a million

only you can save my broken soul

you're the one that set my soul on fire

together we are waiting for an angel

to give us one last warm embrace

we're fading slowly from this life

together in life

together in death

our days are turning darker

but a light so bright

shines in the end of our tunnel

 

---

 

saving you is all I can do

and we leave this world together

you made it clear to me

that our destiny is called eternity

unable to go back

and unable to apart

rescue lies far away

we're made to be broken

in this world of cruelty

somewhere beyond this pain

there's a place saving us from the sadness

 

---

 

naked we stand at the end of our lifes

trying to conceal our sinful living

the things we once cheerished

they will all vanish in the end

and we'll feel a sorrow greater than

ever before from things faded gray

left to faith with no escape

we pray for a death more worthy living

 

---

 

I live my life for you

for you my angel

just one look and

you make me see

the hurt in your eyes

just one touch and

I feel all the times

you've been let down

come embrace me

and let me feel all of you

 

---

 

I'm feeling lost in the days

and I seek redemption in the night

where there is no light

here I don't have to shield the world

from the true me

crying tears unseen

I try to be resurrected into night

this is where I can scream unheard

and bleed my heart out

with no one beside me

and just live a life unnoticed

 

---

 

alone and afraid

she stands with

water upto her

feet

she's tired like

never before and

longing for some

sleep

desperatly she looks

around trying to

find god's little

angel

forever she has

been searching for

a place that's

safe

now all she

ever longs for

is to go

home

she looks at

the sky giving

it a shy

smile

life has run

out of her

she only feels

sorrow

the cold water's

giving her one

last embrace of

life

 

 

 

are you sure the rain

isn't tears falling from

the angels crying their hearts out

don't you know that

everytime you look at the sky

a million eyes look down on you

even in your darkest hours

you won't be alone

angels will sit right next to you

catching every single tear you cry

 

---

 

afraid of light's killing nature

he stays in all day

waiting for the night to shield

his sinful living

in the dark he picks his victims

like a prince of darkness he

chooses among us all

he is the king of seduction and

he tempts our hearts to join him

and night after night he

is starving for more

 

---

 

 

little angels here are longing to fly but bound to earth they cry

tears are falling on the pavement and alone they stand unable to go home

with their eyes looking at the sky they're waiting for a sign

but broken wings won't carry and god has abandoned them

with hell surrounding them they reach out waiting for a miracle

to save them from our cold fire

 

---

 

 

 

darkness is surrounding my broken heart

it's moving closer and chokes what's left of me

I wish for it to stop but as it keeps on going

I try to escape my tormented soul leaving me with nothing

I stand here as an empty shell

waiting for love to fill me once again

 

---

 

I remember when it was just you and me my little angel

it was us against a world full of marionettes

we blamed them for their habits and tried to save ourselves

from turning out to be like them

but now the days have changed and you with them

my dear little marionette

 

---

 

we're slipping away from eachother

slowly the river between us run deeper

we dig in trying to stop it from happening

but the stream is too strong and we are too weak

since there's nothing left for us to do

we let it float by making the gap between us bigger

 

---

 

 

please don't lay your hands on me

I don't need your unfaitful touch

the lies you base your life on are contatious

the thin air around you

is slowly suffocating you

I see no reason to help

for it has been your own choise

to live life like this

you grasp for every lie

pretending they are true

so please stay away from me

since I don't know you

 

---

 

how sweet and deceitful one can be

loving everything at one point in life

hating it all in the next

I'm trying to find a meaning

to a life unworthy living

I don't belong here

and I want to run away everyday

desperatly I hang on to a few things

that make this life standable

 

---

 

you make me sad

you make me bad

expectations were high

but now they're creeping inside

I don't want to need you

I no longer feel your touch

like I used to

and it's crushing my heart

 

---

 

your thoughts are dark

and your heart is tormented

but still I love you

your world is shattered

and your eyes are crying

slowly you are withering apart

 

I die a bit more for every second seeing you like this

but don't you worry

I will always be here for you

loving you

 

---

 

almost numb

but still I feel

forgotten how to cry

but remember how to bleed

 

we feel like escaping everyday

from this world not made for us

blood keeps spreading on the floor

as we wait for our tears to fall

 

---

 

my heart's an empty hole waiting to be filled

but afraid of living as memories cut deep into my flesh

they hurt more than any knifes could ever do

for how long will they keep me in this circle

when will I be able to break free

 

---

 

for every day passing

I'm one day closer to the end

longing to live

but not knowing how

I'm stuck in square one

with no way out

tormented by my past

I try to break free

again and again

but the walls keep getting higher

and I'm still here

stuck in a square

 

---

 

Ideas spinning in your brain

feelings pumping in your heart

I want to be able to read you

I want to know how you feel

I'd like to understand you

and be able to heal you

I need to know that you'll always be here right next to me

 

---

 

give me a blade

and let me watch it play

just as it may

watch it slip through my hands

and fall on the floor

I pick it up

to see it play some more

 

happy birthday gorgeous!

this poem is for you...I'm truly glad I have you as a friend... 

I love you dearly...

 

tears are falling on our hearts

we both feel the curse of life

afraid of living, scared of dying

we are close yet so far

walking down different roads, living different lives

and breathing different air...

we are far

but oh so close in our hearts

loving every moment of your presence

longing for every single note

telling you my heart's dark secrets

with you I'm not scared to embrace the fire of life

you are my star in life shining brightly

helping me find my way home

 

thank you for being my friend...I'll always be here for you, whenever you need me...

 

this neverending charade torments my heart

I feel like crying but still my eyes are dry

while seeing no end to this pretending

I slowly fall

moving closer to this lifes dark reality

I try to hold onto the few sweet memories I have

while charades drag me deeper into the night

I slowly die

 

---

 

I'm withering apart

slowly I'm turning into ashes

come and spread me in the wind

let me fly free as a bird

 

---

 

just one glimt of light and I'm back in the darkness

I live in this dark

afraid of light, afraid of life

my heart is aching for love but frightened I push love away

scared it will cause more pain

slowly I'm withering into dust, running dry on lack of love

with every second life's closer to death

 

 

you make me want to kill myself

you make me want to slit my wrists

let me bleed til I am dead and gone

I bleed for you,

I bleed out all the pain you have caust me

I want you to vanish from my veins

my aching heart wants you gone

I slit my wrists to see you fade away

 

---

 

cut my wrists

and watch me bleed on the floor

see me slowly fade away

with a smile on my face

 

---

 

don't you see how I'm aching and slowly breaking

into a million pieces because of you

life was mad and love was cruel

and you left me

now lost is all I bear

my heart got thorn apart the day you left

don't you get that the more you ignore me

the more I want you back here with me

I'm cold without you, please come back

and warm my soul again

 

 

love's painful soul is scorching my heart, and slowly burning it into ashes

I slit my wrists as a final attempt to make love stop

I find love laughing as it heals the wounds

only to leave me scorching once more

 

---

 

I destroy all that matters

I depend on no one

I push away everything called love

I leave me empty

without feelings life is heaven

 

---

 

I want to sleep the day away

I'm waiting for the night to shield me

in the dark they can no longer see me weeping

in the black night I can only hear my heart stop beating

I wanna disappear from the world and live in the beauty of death

 

hide me in your dark

where nothing will be seen

lock the door and throw away the key

let me beg for life and punish me

abandon me forever, forget all about me

leave me screaming for you

 

---

 

an ode for a slowly stopping heart

come and breathe life into me

I am pale now, almost faded away

afraid of life, afraid of death

living somewhere in between

a life without living, a death without dying

 

---

 

satisfy my longings

and find me weeping on the floor

tear me apart

and find me craving for more

the more you ignore me, the more I want you

 

---

I translated an article and interview with Ville Valo from the swedish newspaper Aftonbladet.

Ville wants some peace and quiet

HULTSFRED. HIM still likes to party. But for now Ville Valo is longing for some peace and quiet.

- To do normal stuff. Like going to the grocery store and buy toilet paper, he says. Everything is happening rally fast for HIM. The Finns have been on tour almost constantly since their fifth album, Dark Light was released last fall. The album has been a great success for them.

- We’ve soon been selling gold in USA. Something no other Finnish has ever done. Says Ville Valo.

They almost glow from pride.

The singer, the man who practically is HIM glow from pride and looks forward to a summer of festivals, which probably must be feeling like a vacation.

- We only have gigs in the weekends, he says. We’ll be able to stay and enjoy Helsinki for the summer. I’m rally looping forward to see my parents, for example.

The slow down does on the other hand not affect their forthcoming album.

- Our Newt album will be more rough and more punkish, but of course it’ll sound dark and melancholic as usual. Maybe a bit more like we sound live.

---

Ville vill ha lugn och ro

HIM säljer snart guld i USA.
Foto: JERKER IVARSSON

HULTSFRED HIM gillar fortfarande att partaja. Men just nu längtar Ville Valo efter lugn och ro.
  - Att göra normala saker. Gå till affären och handla toapapper, säger han.

   Tillvaron snurrar fort för HIM. Finnarna har varit på turné nästan konstant sedan "Dark light", bandets femte fullängdare, släpptes i höstas.
  Arbetet har burit frukt.
  - Vi har snart sålt guld i USA. Det har ett finskt band aldrig lyckats med, säger Ville Valo.
  
Lyser av stolthet
  Sångaren, mannen som i praktiken är HIM, lyser av stolthet. Och ser fram mot en festivalsommar som måste kännas som rena semestern.
  - Vi lirar bara på helgerna, säger han. Kommer att kunna vara hemma och njuta av Helsingfors. Jag ser fram mot att träffa mina föräldrar, till exempel.
  Temposänkningen gäller dock inte det nya material Valo filat på.
  - Nästa platta blir nog ruffigare och punkigare, men det kommer alltid att vara mörkt och melankoliskt. Lite mer som vi låter live.

Gustaf Höök